Aces of the Luftwaffe: Squadron (PS4) Review

Aces of the Luftwaffe: Squadron (PS4) Review

Release Date: 11/16/2017

Date Played: 7/2/2021

This game is the definition of a Euroshmup in every sense of the word. It's a budget release and has the feel of a mobile game. This isn't surprising considering the developer, Handy Games, has a rather extensive track record of making mobile games. Even more surprisingly, this game received a physical release with all of the DLC included on disc. While this game isn't great and there are certainly more deserving titles who haven't received at physical release, I do commend Handy Games for putting out a product that you can actually put on your shelf.

You play as a team of fighter pilots returning to the US after WWII only to discover the skies have been invaded by Nazi planes. Surprise! Your job is to shoot them down over the course of 25 levels of wide-screen vertical scrolling shmup action. These levels are broken up into 5 campaigns of 5 levels each. There is a story of a bunch of Nazi commanders and their crazy ships who you have to dispatch before finally killing the big bad boss. The player's ship models look pretty good and have a nice design for being so basic and traditional. The backgrounds are very plain, but enemy bosses have a really nice and bizarre design that is usually centered around some theme like an eagle, a scorpion, train, boat, flying saucer. They are all pretty intricate and nice to look at and have a cool spin on the sprite work you would see in the Metal Slug franchise. Obviously, that was a huge influence on the design of this game. There are a lot of cut scenes in this game with character portraits that look straight out of a mobile phone game. They look very cheap and cartoony in a way that is very unappealing. These cut scenes are fully voiced, but the voice actors are clearly not native English speakers and they have very, very heavy German accents. There's nothing quite like hearing a guy that sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to voice a burly cowboy from Texas. It's all very painful to listen to and the translations aren't great to begin with which leads to a lot of awkward dialog. While it teeters on the, "so bad it's good" category, it never really gets there and feels more "cringey" than campy. These constant cut-scenes and their dialog do a lot to take you out of the action and make the experience more tedious than it needs to be.

The gameplay has an interesting spin that I haven't seen before. You play as a squad of 4 different characters that fly in formation. There's the ace pilot, the butch cowboy, the energetic sidekick, and the snarky female mechanic. They are all controlled simultaneously but mostly function in a passive sense. Each of these characters are leveled up individually and have their own skill tree. These skill trees add more health, firepower, active and passive abilities, drop rates, etc. While this is a cool idea which I do like... and it serves to motivate you to keep playing, but it's the hallmark of poor shmup design and a key component of most Euroshmups. Unfortunately, the squad formation takes up a lot of real estate on the screen and is a huge target for the enemy. Each of the 4 characters has their own health bar and if any of them other than the main pilot are shot down , they drop out of the fight until a cooldown timer completes. This happens quite frequently, but luckily the cooldown timer is pretty forgiving and they return to the action rather quickly. The enemy placement and bullet patterns within the levels is very poorly thought out and not interesting at all. Truthfully, it's some of the worst I've ever seen and looks to be just copied and pasted over and over again. Often the enemies will just fly in a grid formation and shoot straight ahead like a blanket. You're supposed to use your upgrades to tank the damage rather than learning routs and patterns to avoid them. The enemies never really shoot at you. Instead they just cover the screen in bullets and the developers rely on your upgrades to help sort out the mess. While playing, you pick up many different pickups that increase your firepower. You'll have homing missiles, flame throwers, chain guns, lasers, and more. Unfortunately, these all just come in a predetermined pattern and there's no strategy other than just getting more and more overpowered. To top things off, these upgrades have limited ammo. So, if you don't pick up the next upgrade in time, you revert down a level. This is such a bad design choice. Because of this very cookie cutter gameplay loop, the game becomes very monotonous very quickly. The mobile phone game feeling starts to shine through and that mindless grinding feeling sets in.

In an attempt to counteract the staleness of the game, the developers added in an extremely idiotic feature where every member of your squad has some sort of chronic ailment that throws a wrench into the gameplay. The main pilot has "motion sickness" that causes his plane to jerk around. If you move too quickly while sick, you'll lose health. The Texan has road rage and will occasionally go crazy and start smashing into things all over the screen. This includes you and the rest of your team. The sidekick has narcolepsy and will randomly just fall asleep and you have to defend him from enemies in the most stupid escort mission ever. Finally, the female mechanic (and healer of the group) is afraid of heights and will just fly off the screen at random times in the game. All of these are very frustrating and add a very unenjoyable element to the game. Rather than adding more difficulty or acting as a set piece to break up the repetitive action, they just serve to act as more of an annoyance than anything. They are predetermined by level, but there is one in EVERY level, so it's something you're constantly dealing with. According the peanut gallery of the internet, this is one of the most voiced complaints of the game... and with good reason.

To help with the blankets of enemy bullets and large hitbox of your squad, you're given a lot of lives, health, healing, bombs, and other tricks for staying alive. This is all imperative because your squad is so huge and there is often no possible way to avoid damage. A lot of the boss levels are poorly designed as well with little strategy and most of the screen being kill zones (I'm looking at you scorpion boss). This annoyance is lessened by the cool design of the boss' visuals. At least you have something nice to look at while you're on the verge of rage quitting. To overcome the poor design, you're supposed to grind the other levels to upgrade your squad and overpower the enemy. Grinding these levels and upgrades is made more unfun because of the somewhat frequent and long load times. Playing the same level over and over with boring patterns is hard enough, but constantly having to wait between every try is excessive.

So, what's good about this game? Upgrading your squad is fun and unlocking new abilities makes the game more enjoyable. It's nice to get overpowered and plow through everything. It certainly reeks of the mobile game dopamine rush you get from constantly locking new items and abilities. Also, the sound design of the game is fantastic. Everything is recorded and mixed extremely well. The music isn't very good or memorable, but it sounds amazing. At times it even has an epic flair that wouldn't be out of place in a big budget movie. The sound effects are good and punchy as well. I also like the concept of the game with the surprise Nazi attack. As I mentioned earlier, the game does feel cheap in its presentation... but it does have a sort of charm that is endearing.

This version of the game also has DLC included on disc called Nebelgeschwader where you can play as the... Nazis. That was a bold decision. Hopefully, they become traitors and turn over to the other side at some point during the game. I'm curious to know, but I don't want to put any more time into the game because the gameplay is so repetitive and a grind fest. I did spend about a half hour with it. While it was a more interesting group of characters, it seemed like a lot more of the same. It was time to move on.

I was able to beat the standard game in Normal mode with about half my time spent grinding for upgrades. The platinum trophy in this game seems very doable, but after too many hours spent with the game... and only being about 25% of the way to hitting all the trophies, I couldn't even fathom playing any more. You can really tell that this is basically a smartphone game through and through. The grindiness, lazy design, and budget forward look of this game are all huge turn offs and the clunky gameplay doesn't do much to help it. It's just very mediocre not only as a shmup, but as a game in general. I can't say that I would recommend this one to very many people.

Final Status: Beaten

Final Score: 5/10

TwinBee Yahho!: Fushigi no Kuni de Oabare!! (PSP) Review

TwinBee Yahho!: Fushigi no Kuni de Oabare!! (PSP) Review

Release Date: 4/19/1995, 1/25/2007 (PSP)

Date Played: 7/20/2021

This was the final arcade game released in the TwinBee franchise which was extremely popular in Japan.  The game received 3 ports that were also only released in Japan.  These were for the Sony Playstation, Sega Saturn, and the Sony PSP (in the form of a compilation).  Even though there was TwinBee fever in Japan for well over a decade, the games never really made it to the United States (other than the rebranded, "Stinger" on the NES).  Even today, you have to import these games to have the opportunity to play them.  This is, of course, what I did to to get the PSP compilation.  

The TwinBee franchise has a lot of story and lore associated with it.  It centers around the main characters having to fight Queen Melody and Archduke Nonsense for a magical harp... or something.  I'm not sure, and it doesn't really matter.  Just be aware that all of the characters in this franchise are quite beloved in their native Japan and have spawned a whole assortment of collectables, plushies, cartoons, comic books, food, action figures, radio dramas, and everything else you could imagine.  This game in the franchise has fully voice acted cutscenes that are taken from the radio drama that was surprisingly popular.  As they are fully voiced and scripted in Japanese, I can't really read them and have no idea what they are trying to say.  They do look nice though and seem to add to the experience of the game.  

The game itself looks amazing and is the best looking game in the series by far.  It is definitely a cute 'em up and has playful characters and enemies that look like they're either toys or made of candy.  Obviously, everything is quite colorful and the game even features a lot of impressive scrolling and scaling effects.  Sometimes, a miniature cut scene will take place in a small window on the screen during gameplay.  This was surely a technical marvel at the time and looks great even now.  The music is outstanding and has that cartoony and whimsical feel that suits it quite well.  The game is nothing short of a true delight to see on the screen.  This is especially true when viewing it on a CRT television.

As for the gameplay, it is pretty much the same as all of the other TwinBee games and is just a vertically scrolling shmup.  You play through 6 colorful levels that have mid-bosses and final bosses.  Some of these final bosses have really cool designs (like the giant doll) while others seem pretty basic.  The twist with this game is that this time around, you can select your playstyle before starting the game.  You have 4 different charged shots to choose from and they include a standard fireball, boxing glove, option multiplier, and an explosion.  After this, you select a difficulty and jump right into the action.  Everything else about the gameplay is just standard TwinBee stuff.  Meaning... it's bad.  I know, I know, up until now I've been giving the game a pretty glowing review.  So, if you thought you were going to hear me herald the greatness of these games... you thought wrong.   The TwinBee series seems like something I would absolutely love, but it's marred by such an incredibly terrible game design feature/flaw that it squarely places itself into the top echelon of most frustrating video game experiences I've ever encountered.  This specific game seems to have gone out of its way to select elements from other games that intentionally frustrate me... and I feel personally attacked and offended.   Allow me to explain in detail further.

The real issue with the TwinBee games (including this one) is the powerup system.  Scattered all throughout the levels are clouds that, when shot, toss out a bell that falls towards the bottom of the screen.  What you're supposed to do is shoot the bell to juggle it and keep it from falling off the bottom of the screen.  After several shots, the bell will change colors and act as a powerup if you collect it.  These powerups include spreadshots, speed increases, shields, options, and more.  The issues with this system aren't minor and they basically control and ruin the entire experience.  Firstly, you don't know what color/powerup the bell is going to change into.  So, if you need a specific powerup, you might have to shoot the bell 20 or 30 times to get it to cycle to the one you need.  Secondly, if you get the bell to cycle to the color you want, and then you accidentally shoot it again, say goodbye to that powerup because just a single shot will turn the powerup back into a regular bell and you'll have to do it all again. Thirdly, you usually have a handful of bells on the screen that you're juggling simultaneously.  Trying to get one to stay the color you want without without accidentally hitting it again is so difficult to maintain with all of the other bells bouncing around. Fourthly, the bells block your shots when you hit them.  This game has an insane amount of enemies zipping all over the screen.  Most of them try to kamikaze directly into you and when they come into view, you can't even shoot them because there are 5 or 6 bells directly between you and them that block your bullets.  Lastly, you spend so much of your time and attention dealing with these stupid bells that you don't even get to focus on playing the rest of the game.  Ninety percent of your deaths will just come out of nowhere from an enemy you didn't even notice because all of your attention is elsewhere.  The game has terrible Gradius syndrome, meaning that if you die and lose your powerups, the game is too difficult to continue.  So, you essentially have to finish the game without ever dying to have a chance.  Because this game is so unforgivingly difficult, you die all the time.  This leads you to have to focus on getting more powerups to have a chance, which leads to spending more time juggling bells, and less time allocated to learning the levels and enemy patterns.  In addition to this, most of the TwinBee games have a Xevious mechanic where you have to bomb ground units with your crosshair while simultaneously dealing with the stuff in the air.  I'm not a fan of this mechanic usually, but it's extra bad in this series.  Because most of your movement is focused on staying below these bells to either keep shooting them or to catch them, it's difficult to take out the ground units at all.  Luckily, this game allows you to bomb the ground and shoot in the air with the same button.  Even with this little upgrade, it doesn't help the situation in any meaningful way.

In regards to the shot, as mentioned before, this game is focused on charge attacks.  They are essential to success in this game and the four different options give some variety and strategy on different ways to tackle the levels and bosses.  Unfortunately, even this carries with it some serious negatives.  Because you charge your shot by holding down your fire button, there's no autoshot in this game.  You'll wear out your hand from constantly tapping the fire button.  It's exhausting and makes the game more of a chore to play.  The charge shots themselves pass through everything on the screen... including the bells.  So, that sorts out the bells blocking your shot problem... so tome degree.  But, what it introduces is the extremely troublesome issue of your charge shot hitting bells multiple times as it passes through them and causes them to cycle past the upgrades you need.  After you die, you can't even use the charge shot when you need to because it will prevent you from grabbing any upgrades.  Considering the enemy encounters are centered around the charge shot, this can be very problematic.

Also, this game has added horizontal scrolling into the mix.  This was lifted directly from the Raiden series.  While you're scrolling vertically, a portion of the screen to the left and right stays off camera and as you approach the edges, the screen shifts over to reveal a wider play area.  The issue with this is that there are often enemies right off screen and as soon as you scroll over, they appear and pop you in the back with a bullet and ruin your run.  It's something you can get sort of used to in Raiden because only 30% of the playfield is off screen.  In this game, the visible playfield is only about 30% of the total width.  That means you can scroll left and right for distances that are about the same size as the middle of the playfield.  This just increases the chance of funning into an enemy offscreen and having it snipe you out of the air.  I've always hated this mechanic, and having it be 3 times larger than usual just adds another big red mark on the things this game does wrong.  

Lastly (and this isn't a game ruining issue, but it's just such a huge slap in the face after dealing with all of the other terrible decisions of this game that I had to mention it), when you encounter a boss/mid-boss or a cloud full of bells, the game displays in giant letters the word, "SHOOT!" with a freaking arrow pointing to the thing you're supposed to shoot. To make matters worse, it never goes away and stays there for the whole fight.  Seriously?!?  Not only is it annoying and insulting to the player, but it takes up a good portion of the real estate of the screen causing more visual clutter to look at and obscuring incoming shots.  Why would anyone think this is a good idea?  

I don't think the TwinBee games are good.  In fact, I think they're downright bad, unfun, unfair, and miserable to play... but they have an endearing charm to them that raises my opinion of them slightly. This entry in the series is one of the worst offenders and, despite its fantastic presentation, is grating to experience.   The other games in the series are annoying, but just mediocre when all is said and done.  This one's aesthetic can't even raise it to mediocre status nor save it from being slightly despised in my eyes.  I can't help but think that Japan was more in love with the cutesy characters from the series than they were the actual gameplay.  I don't know why anyone would subject themselves to actually learning this game well enough to 1 credit clear it on even the normal difficulty.  There wasn't more than just a few seconds of enjoyment that I experienced during my time with this game.  

Final Status: Beaten

Final Score 4/10 (Bad)

Altered Beast (Genesis) Review

Altered Beast (Genesis) Review

Released: June 1988

Played: Feb 14, 2020

Altered Beast is certainly one of those games that people look back on quite fondly regardless of its actual quality.  While the game didn't exactly set the arcades on fire when it initially came out, Sega's decision to include it as the pack-in game for their new console release, the Genesis (Megadrive elsewhere), was a stroke of genius.   No, Altered Beast wasn't a very liked game at the time, but it was a KNOWN arcade game.  Even if people didn't really care for it, they were still aware of it.  Experiencing a game that looked and played so closely to its arcade counterpart was something that just didn't happen during this time and Sega knew this.  Nintendo and Atari didn't have consoles that could do anything close to this.  Then, here comes Sega, kicking down the doors, and proclaiming, "we can."  The console wars had begun.

The game itself is actually a really unique and cool idea.  It's just executed pretty poorly.  In the story, Athena gets kidnapped by Neff, the ruler of the underworld.  Zeus, in an attempt to rescue her, resurrects a Roman centurion to fight as his champion.  You battle your way through five levels in side scrolling beat 'em up style. Two-player simultaneous co-op is included and is highly recommended.  You're greeted by Zeus commanding the player to, "rise from your grave" before being immediately accosted by all manner of creatures and monsters from Greek and Roman mythology.  You can punch (not recommended) and kick your way through hordes of of these enemies.  In addition to this, your crouch + kick actually points directly upward to help with enemies attacking you from above.  Most enemies are of the pop-corn variety and die in a single hit.  You have the ability to jump and there is some light platforming at a few points in the game, but it really isn't a prominent feature.  Occasionally, a blue bull will appear and if you kill it, it spawns and orb.  Collecting on of these causes your character to bulk up in size and increase both his range and strength.  If you collect 3 of these in the level, you transform into the titular Altered Beast.  Depending on the level, you'll become either a wolf, a dragon, a bear, or a tiger.  Each of these animals has two special attacks that make the game much easier and more fun. The game can be a quite a challenge at times. The enemies in the game are placed oddly and sometimes even spawn directly on top of you.  So, you end up taking a lot of cheap hits and taking damage that feels unfair.   Of course, each of the stages concludes with a pretty epic boss fight.  The first stage which takes place in a very memorable and awesome looking graveyard is complete with marble columns and everything you would ever expect in a game set in Rome.  Its boss is a giant horned demon that shoots multiple copies of its head all over the screen.  The second stage isn't as spectacular and has a carnivorous plant that shoots eyeballs at you for its boss.  Stage 3 is just a cave with a snail boss, stage 4 is a boring fortress with a worm boss, and the final stage is the Netherworld Sanctum.  While this final stage is very vibrantly colored and has some cool parallax scrolling in the clouds, it's rather forgettable and concludes with Neff, who's just a rhinoceros and reminds me of Rock Steady from TMNT.   Honestly, after the good impression of the first stage, the rest of the game just sort of feels phoned in and lazy.  Still, that first stage really does ooze with nostalgia for a lot of people out there; me included.  

The graphics, sound, and music all have that quintessential Genesis feel. While it doesn't look spectacular for its time, and the music is apt but unmemorable, and the voice samples in the game are muffled and garbled, it's still a decent presentation.  Yes, now we know it isn't an arcade perfect port, but at the time of the release, everyone had their minds blown and many people rushed out to buy a Genesis console just for this game. I can't say I was one of those people, but I've never turned down an opportunity to play this game when someone offered.  When Sega decided to switch the pack-in game over to Sonic the Hedgehog, I finally decided to jump on the Genesis bandwagon... so I never owned Altered beast until I became a game collector.  Still, there were many summer days over at my friend's house playing this game.

Honestly, I've been trying to beat this game for 30 years.  Many times, both my friends and I made it to the final level but were just not able to finish it off.  It wasn't until I played this game in co-op with a good friend recently that we both learned that the game has continues!  Every time I've ever died in this game I thought you had to start completely over from the beginning. Apparently if you hold A and press start on the title screen it lets you start back at the beginning of the level where you died.  After learning this, we were able to beat the game using only one continue.  We both felt like we had a weight lifted off of us after struggling with this game for so long.  It was nice to take the trip down memory lane and finally check the game off the list.  I'm glad we decided to go back and play it.

Altered Beast is short, cheap, repetitive, and the combat is pretty stiff.  But, the setting (especially the first stage) is unique and memorable.  The game can be pretty fun in short doses... which is a good thing because of the extremely brief game length.  Playing it in co-op mode probably doubles the fun you'll have with the game.  So, if you have a friend that doesn't mind playing an old game on the Genesis, grab them and start button mashing.  

Final Status: Beaten

Final Review: 6/10 (A little good)

Soldner-X2: Final Prototype (Vita) Review

 Soldner-X2: Final Prototype (PS Vita) Review

Released: May 25, 2010

Played: 7/17/2021

I was very interested in playing this game but never bit the bullet on it until Limited Run Games decided to release it physically for the PS Vita. While I'm not the biggest fan of playing shmups on handheld systems, and since I don't own a Vita TV to pipe the game onto my big screen, I was a little hesitant, but still a bit optimistic because of the good things I had heard about the game.  Since I have been on a huge shmup kick for the last year or so, I was excited when it was selected from my backlog.   I popped it into my Vita only to discover this game is the epitome of a euroshmup...  I guess the umlauts in the title should have tipped me off.

I often use the the term, "euroshmup" in a way that seems to be more derogatory than I mean for it to be.  There's nothing necessarily bad about a shmup that was developed in the style of other shmups created in Europe in the 80s and 90s.  It's just sort of a blanket term to describe shmups that tend to have extra components that set them apart from their Japanese counterparts.  These include life bars, shields, unlockable weapons, slow scrolling levels, and poorly planned enemy placement and bullet patterns.  When the gameplay isn't very well tuned, you have to rely on these other features to make your game playable.  While Soldner-X2 is guilty of some of these euroshmup features, it's by no means a grievous sinner. The lifebar is present as are plenty of healing items in the game.  There are also plenty of walls of bullets and enemies, but they aren't as blanket like as many other poorly designed shooters.  While your ship is pretty large and clunky you do have the ability to avoid a majority of the incoming shots in this game.  It can be difficult, and you will meet the inevitable bombardment that sucks a bit off your lifebar.  But, it's by no means overwhelming. You can really tell that the developers love and appreciate the genre themselves and just wanted to add some interesting elements into the game.  It's just a shame that these elements are so sorely associated with subpar shooting games.

There's a bit of a story here to help carry you through the action.  Apparently after the events of the first game (which I haven't played) Earth is trying to reunite under one universal banner.  Unfortunately, one of the most powerful factions, the D'arg, don't like this and set out to stop this.  You're then given a prototype Soldner ship and charged with the task of heading out there and destroying the D'arg.  Obviously, it's a very basic story and is pretty standard for any shmup. It's not trying to break any ground in the storytelling department and that's totally fine.  No one really plays these games for the story and anytime a developer tries to focus on a shmup story it usually feels shoehorned and gets in the way of the flow of the game.  Honestly, I always feel sad about this.  Maybe someday a developer will be able to fuse great shmup gameplay with engaging storytelling... but that certainly isn't the case here.

After the opening cutscene, you'll choose your ship and get dropped right into the action. Gameplay is a standard horizontal shmup.  Right off the bat, you'll see that the game looks pretty great on the Vita.  The ship models are sleek and crisp as are the enemies with a 2.5D look where the models are 3D rendered models put onto a 2D plane.  Quite often this sort of art style can come back to bite the developers and look really dated. It evokes memories of that awkward time in the PS1/N64 era where everyone was fascinated with jamming as many 3D objects into every as possible. It's not a great look a lot of the time; which I believe is the reason most developers focus on the sprite based art style.  Luckily, this game is able to pull off this look... but just barely.  The scenery is nice as are the lighting effects but things can get pretty bland with the overall grey, light blue, and black color schemes you'll encounter again and again.  The backgrounds are usually pretty interesting and seem to twist, turn, zig-zag, and flip all around while you play.  Even though this makes the game more interesting to look at, you're still locked to the same 2D plane.  You would think it would be very distracting, but unfortunately, the background action is so disconnected from the gameplay that you basically zone it out.  One reviewer said that it looked like the actual gameplay was occurring in front of a green screen playing random junk.  I concur.   The game is often pretty bland in terms of the color pallet, but this helps the colorful hail of bullets stand out.  Everything looks like generic sci-fi styling and it could have used a little originality injected into it.  The game runs at a great 60 fps and I encountered no dips or slowdown in the framerate.  So, it is a technically sound experience.

Each of the ships you can select have a different loadout and you can cycle between the weapons during gameplay.  This is a cool idea, but many of the weapons feel pretty weak compared to the others and you'll find yourself ignoring many of them. Every ship has a final weapon that can be changed out by picking up different icons throughout the levels.  You gather powerups to increase your firepower, but the sheer number of them you have to gather is insane.  It takes dozens... maybe a hundred powerups to hit max power.  Whenever you continue, you'll lose most of these and a bit of Gradius syndrome sets in. In case you didn't know, Gradius syndrome is when you die in a game and lose your powerups and cannot make anymore progress because the game is designed around you being fully powered up.  This leads you to having to restart the game and have a perfect run without getting hit to make progress.  Regardless of that, even if you have a perfect run, you never really feel very overpowered in this game as even popcorn enemies take multiple hits to kill.  It's also difficult to land shots in this game as the weapons you use have erratic patterns and the enemies move around quite a lot.  You'll mostly be focusing on your ship due to the sheer number of bullets on the screen, so it can be problematic keeping sustained damage on the enemy.  Looking over to the right of the screen to see if you're hitting anything will often cause you to collide with a bullet.  Being a euroshmup, as it is, this game gives you a pretty healthy life bar and plenty of healing items.  So getting hit several times isn't a run ender.  

The scoring system is ripped out of Sonic the Hedgehog's playbook.  Enemies, when defeated, will drop golden rings.  You pick these up to get points and to keep a chain counter going in the bottom right of the screen.  When you fill up this chain counter, it releases a powerup, healing item, point bonus, etc., and adds to your multiplier.  You need to keep an eye on this chain counter (which can often lead you to taking damage) and keep it going because you're going to need those extra powerups that it provides. They really should have put this chain counter towards the left of the screen... you know, near your ship so you can actually keep your eyes where they need to be. On paper, this scoring system is pretty good.  But in practice, it can be a bit cumbersome.   The game scrolls so slowly that the majority of the rings, powerups, score multipliers, etc. tend to just hang out over on the right side of the screen.  Constantly you'll be forced to charge in to grab these items only to have enemies spawn behind you or blast you from off screen.  It's extremely frustrating and not very fun.  A lot of the focus of this game is about being patient and assessing the risk of when you need to dash in to grab that powerup you need or to snag that ring to keep your mulitplier going.  They could have tweaked this a bit because it just doesn't feel good or natural and tends to break the flow of the game rather than sustain it.

Speaking of not fun, the bosses in this game are a total grind.  They are often pretty large and take up most of the screen.  But their styling is pretty generic and is usually something like a giant head and arm. They all have a weak spot that are the only way to damage them.  As I mentioned earlier, it can be difficult to land a shot on the enemy; and this is no exception.  Most of the weak spots have a shroud, or a wall, or some alternate form that completely prevents you from being able to deal any damage to the boss whatsoever.  These phases go on for way too long.  All the while, the person talking to you on the coms keeps saying, "they can't be hurt in this phase."  Yeah, obviously.  You've told me like 50 times.  Not only that, but when you do land a shot on the bosses, they are huge bullet sponges and take minutes to bring down. Considering that these boring marathon boss fights are the big payoff for slow, boring, and plodding levels... fatigue will set in rather quickly. Couple this with the trance music that's highly repetitive and often low energy this game will almost put you to sleep.  In addition to this, not only are the stages overly long and tedious, there's 10 of them.  This is way too many and causes a full playthrough of the game to be 60-90 minutes long. I find that the sweet spot for a shmup is around 30 minutes, so this length of game is just excessive. It makes the game feel more like it's padded out rather than full of content. Not only that, at first you won't even be able to play through all 10 stages.  Instead, you have to play through the earlier stages time and time again to locate and collect hidden keys to unlock the later stages.  Ouch.   Only after this will you be able to finish the game. This is a terrible system and no game should lock its main content behind optional items like this.  

But we're still not done...  Outside of the main game are 30 challenges.  You have to complete these to unlock new weapons and the final ship.  These challenges range from killing a certain number of enemies in a time period, to completing several stages on one life, to not getting hit in a tough part of the level.  They are all very draconian and not really fun at all.  Many of them I attempted again and again without making progress.  Perhaps if they had been cumulative challenges (like kill 10,000 enemies over all your playthroughs) I would have been more interested in completing them.  Or, maybe if the game was just...more fun. 

As it is, Soldner-X2: Final prototype is just a very slow and generic euroshmup.  It looks pretty good and plays well, but the action just isn't there.  The excessive length of the game and its levels combined with the grinding for everything make the whole experience a drag.  Boss battles that take 5 minutes to finish even when you know all of the patterns and are dodging every shot aren't good game design.  This is especially true considering you've already picked up like 75 powerups at this point...    The reviews I've seen online for this game seem to be pretty good.  However, they all mention how refreshing it is to play such and old-school style game in a sea of heart pumping first person shooters.  This is a dead giveaway that these people aren't very familiar with shmups nor arcade games in general... Then, it dawned on me.  That's who this game is for!  It's for people who aren't very familiar with shmups nor arcade games.  So, I guess that's who I'd recommend it to. Anyone else who IS experienced with those sorts of games, or has a respect for their own time, should stay away from this one.  It's more boring and generic than bad.  This one could definitely be 1 credit cleared, but I'm not sure why you'd ever want to even try that. 

Final Status: Beaten

Final Score: 5/10 (Mediocre)

Phalanx (SNES/SFC) Review

 

Phalanx (SFC & SNES) Review

 

Release Date: Oct 1992

Date Played: 7/15/2021

Phalanx is the game most known from its incredibly insane cover art that depicts an old man playing a banjo.  I've read an interview that states that the advertising team behind this knew they had a rather mediocre shmup on their hand and wanted to make the game stand out in a sea of better games.  They made this crazy cover for the game, and the rest is history.  The cover for the Super Famicom version of the game is much more benign and just depicts some hand drawn art of the space ship featured in the game.  It's a cool design and executed well, but nothing to stand out in the U.S. market for sure. With the likes of Rock 'n Roll racing, Bubsy, and all the other games seeping with attitude, the developers knew they had to be zany or be relegated to the bargain bin in no time.

Of course, the advertisers were absolutely correct. The game is pretty generic and while it does have some interesting moments, would (and did) fall by the wayside as other games came to the forefront. While my initial impression of the game was very positive and I was impressed with its striking atmosphere, the more I played it, obvious flaws began to emerge.  Phalanx is a very mediocre game with a few positives that make it stand out. The gameplay is a pretty standard horizontal shmup.  You only have 1 ship to choose from, but it has a variable speed that with three different settings of slow, medium, and fast. You can cycle through these with the R button, but I found myself staying on the fastest setting almost exclusively.  In addition to this, you have 4 powerups that you can collect as well as 3 types of missiles that passively shoot.  The powerups are a laser beam that fires in front and can pierce through enemies, a ricochet shot that bounces off the top and bottom of the screen, a homing shot, and a charge shot.   All of these can be powered up by collecting a Power orb.  This will increase the effectiveness of the shot as well as restore a hit to your life gauge.  That's right, this game has a life gauge.  You can take 3 hits before you die and lose a life; which is a unusual for a shmup (unless you're a euroshmup, of course). Using your bomb in this game "eats" your current powerup before unleashing a powerful attack.  I really like this idea, but powerups are few and far between in this game, so it's generally better just to hold onto them.  In addition to this, lives are given out pretty regularly (10k/30k in the U.S. version, and 20k/50k in the SFC version).  While you may think that this life bar and abundance is a blessing, it's a hallmark of poor game design (still looking at you euroshmups).  Why should a development team spend a lot of time balancing their game and planning enemy and bullet patterns when they can just throw everything at you including the kitchen sink, give you some extra lives, and then call it a day.  Phalanx is no exception in this department.  You're bombarded with enemies that pop up directly above, below, and behind you and give you no chance to react.  You can barely see the shots from the enemies because they are a dark crimson color that blend in with the gritty and grainy graphics and enemies run right up in front of you, pause, and then unleash a barrage of bullets.  The majority of your deaths will come from environmental hazards like spinning rods, mazes you have to navigate, debris, and suiciding enemies.  I don't remember getting hit by a single bullet in my final playthrough, yet I was constantly colliding with things.  It's quite frustrating. Also, the game has a really bad case of Gradius syndrome; where if you lose your powerups, the game becomes almost impossible to progress.  You essentially need to make it all the way through the game without dying so you can stay fully powered up... as it seems like the game was designed around that. Finally, the game is overly long.  There are 8 stages and each one of them is 5-8 minutes long.  That means we have around an hour of total playtime to get through this game, and that's just way too much.  I feel like this game could have been edited back way more. For a shmup, a half hour is a great length to let you memorize everything while keeping the gameplay action packed.

As for the positives, there are quite a few that do make Phalanx stand out.  Firstly, the game has a great atmosphere, awesome art design, and striking graphics.  The first stage starts with you flying over some grey clouds with several layers of parallax scrolling before finally descending into a dark and gritty urban landscape.  This whole section of the game was a stand-out moment and probably my favorite part of the game.  The second level was less already less impressive and consisted of an underwater factory.  Most of the center of the screen has a stream of water flowing through it that pushes you backwards when you enter it.  The rest of the stage is centered around dodging obstacles while dealing with this current of water working against you.  This stage is bland and monotone and feels very flat after experiencing the 1st stage of the game.   The 3rd stage is just an underground cave with more obstacles to destroy and a black background.  Stage 4 has more parallax scrolling as you're flying through deep space, but it's pretty static the whole way through and this stage just has tons of enemies crashing into you from all sides.  Stage 5 is a stand out.  Instead of auto-scrolling through the level, you have free roam enabled.  You have to explore the outside of the mothership before finding 3 hidden entrances, going inside, and destroying all of the parts.  This was the most unique stage of the game by far, and at the time, I thought it was the final level.  Little did I know it's only the halfway point. I feel like the developers could have taken this idea and expounded on it a little more. It added an interesting flair to the game that passed all too quickly.   The 6th stage titled, "Advertisement Area" was very odd and bizarrely funny.  It's an asteroid belt with Kemco (the publisher of the game... and notorious lazy game makers) advertisements everywhere.  It's odd to go through a space scenario and see billboards everywhere.  It really feels like they took the most boring stage of the game and just copied/pasted their company logo all over the place.  What an odd design choice.  I have to commend the developers on having the guts to do something like this. Other than that, this stage doesn't really stand out other than the lame boss that's a space turtle... still lame, but at least memorable.  Stage 7 returns us to hyperspace and feels like a rehash of stage 4.  The finale is stage 8.   You have to battle through a gauntlet of enemies that have ricocheting shots before coming to the final boss of the game that's looks like a giant single-celled organism.  You shoot away its cytoplasm before taking on the nucleus.  This part is so frustrating because there are these lightning quick orbs that move to block all of your shots.  If you don't have the laser or charge shot, you're done for because you can't land anything on the boss' weak point. I really hate when games do this. Why would you give me all these options to play in the style that I want and then penalize me at the ending of the game for not using the EXACT item you want?  Give me a clue or something.  You work super hard to make it this far, and then the game pulls a switcheroo and changes up the rules on you.  It wasn't fun when they did it in Ghosts 'n Goblins and it isn't fun here either. After finishing the game I had my fill.  I was very close to 1 credit clearing the game on Easy mode (default in U.S. version), but had to use a couple of continues at the end. 

While I loved the atmosphere of the first stage, the rest of the game just sort of fell flat.  Most of the enemies were just organic blobs with little to no definition, the gameplay mostly consisted of trying to avoid colliding with stuff, the music was bland and forgettable, and dying makes it too difficult to recover your powerups and make progress.  The extremely draconian length of the game is the final nail in the coffin and relegates this one to the generic shooter pile. It's never fun to spend 55 minutes rehashing the same stages you've played over and over flawlessly just to have another attempt at a tricky part. Yes, I know this is usually the game cycle for a shmup... but then again, most shmups aren't an hour long. I would only recommend this one to huge shmup fans as playing through it wears on your patience.  The cool set pieces help out a bit, but don't bump this one up to a must play.

Final Status: Beaten

Score: 6/10 (A little good)

Methodology

 Methodology:

I have been game collecting for a long time and about a decade ago realized that my backlog of games had become extremely long.  I used to keep my unplayed games stacked in a corner of the room and I would slowly work my way through them.  One day, I realized that stack of unplayed games had become several stacks adding up to hundreds of games I decided to put them on the shelf where they belong and make a spreadsheet of my backlog.   

Still, I found myself playing through the same new release as everyone else, playing old favorite games, and selecting what looked the most fun on the list.   It wasn't long until the backlog was over 1000 games.  I knew I had to implement a system to make it through this massive pile of games I had never even touched.  

I created the Random Number Generator Backlog System.   For the last 10 years, I have used this system exclusively to determine what games I play.  It has led me to discover games that I probably never would have given a chance turned out to be masterpieces.  It's allowed me to avoid the hype around new releases and save a lot of money by not purchasing games right when they release. Most importantly, it's given me an objective goal to work towards while I game.  For me, that is a huge motivator and provides a sense of accomplishment within itself.

The method:      

Firstly, I separated all my backlog into 3 columns on a spreadsheet. New Releases, Portable, and Retro. 

New Releases are game that are from the current and previous console generations.  Portable is exactly what you expect.  It's all portable/handheld games regardless of when they were released. Retro is everything else and includes games all the way from the Atari 2600 up to the Xbox 360/PS3/Wii generation.  

As a game is acquired, it is placed into one of these three columns based on when it was released and whether it is a portable/handheld game. The games are added chronologically to the bottom in order when I acquire them. Each of these columns is split into two parts.  The top part is for games that I was actively seeking out when I acquired them (meaning they were on my wish list).  The bottom part of the column is for games that I picked up but wasn't actively seeking out; and thus, were lower priority.       For example, I buy 2 games for the PS1.  One of these games was on my wish list and the other was just some random game.  The wish list game is inserted into the retro column at the very bottom of the top section.  The random game is inserted all the way at the end of the bottom section.

When I'm done with a game and it's time to select a new one to play I use an algorithm to determine said game.   First, I record that I finished a game and add a single digit to a counter at the top of the column.

For example:  Let's say I finish Crash Bandicoot on the PS1.  I'll go to the top of the Retro column and at +1 to the counter that's there.  It'll read something like 5/10.

Then, I use a random number generator (RandomNumber.org) to determine what game I play next.  I'll start with the line number for the top game on the spreadsheet and go down to the very last line number for the final game on the spreadsheet.  

For example:  Line # 1 on the Retro column of the spreadsheet is Super Mario Bros.  and  the final line on the Retro column is #835 (Rampage World Tour).   I'll type in 1 for the starting number on the Random Number Generator and 835 for the final number.  Then, I'll have it roll the random number and I'll play whatever game is listed on the line for that number.  

I will then replace the name of that game on the spreadsheet with a blank space and leave that space open.  If, in the future, the Random Number Generator selects a number that corresponds to a blank space, I delete all of the blank spaces in that column and then play the very top game in the column.  Meaning that over time, as you finish more and more games, the chances of you playing the game that's been on the list the longest (the one in the 1st spot) increases.

For example:  I roll #223 on the Random Number Generator.  I scroll down to cell #233 of        the Retro column of the spreadsheet and discover it is a blank space.  I delete all of the blank spaces in the Retro column and then play the game that is in cell #1. I delete the text in cell #1. Then, I shift up all of the remaining games.

Earlier, I mentioned the counter that is at the top of each column that counts up by one each time you finish a game.  This counter is integral to the system and prevents burnout from having the Random Number Generator select several terrible games in a row.  If that counter reads 2, 5, or 8 when you roll Random Number Generator, you only select the games in the top section of the column.   As mentioned earlier, priority games from the wishlist are placed in the top section when they are acquired.  This means they are closer to the top and will get played sooner than some random game you pick up for a dollar at a yard sale.  

For example:  I finish a retro game and add +1 to the counter at the top of the column.  This    puts the counter on 5/10.  So, instead of putting 1-835 as the range for the Random Number Generator, I'll scroll to the bottom of the top section of the column and see that it ends at #226.  So, I'll put 1-226 into the Random Number Generator and completely circumvent the lower priority games below that section.

You may have noticed that the counter at the top of each column goes up to 10.  Well, when you finish 10 games in a specific column, you get a GOLD STAR!   You can use that gold star to pick any game from the list that you want and play it right away.  There's no need to use the Random Number Generator or anything.  You can bank these gold stars and save them for a rainy day or if there's a game coming out that you're really looking forward to and want to play right away.

For example:  I finish another retro game and add +1 to the counter.  This causes the    counter to roll over to 10/10.  I reset the counter to zero and gain a gold star.  I then use the gold star right away to select whatever game I want from the retro column.  I delete the text in that cell and leave it blank (as mentioned above).

That's it!  I know the system is a little complicated, but it is great at incentivizing you to finish your games and get them off the list.  Also, having the choice taken away from me to decide what games I play has been a huge relief.  I don't get super hyped about upcoming games because they just get put on the bottom of the list anyway.  Why rush to go out an buy a new game for $60 when it may take years for you to play it?  Instead, wait 2 years, buy it for cheap and then add it to the bottom of the list.

Since implementing this list, I have finished around 1500 games on the backlog.  I've been introduced to a lot of terrible games that I thought would have been amazing.  And I've discovered games that ended up being some of my favorites.   You don't have to 100% complete the games or even beat them if you're having a bad time.  Spend a little time with it and move on if that's what you feel like doing.  

I hope someone reads this and decides to try it out.  It's make my backlog much more organized and fun to play through.  

Blur (PS3) Review

 

Blur (PS3) Review

Released: 5/25/2010

Played: 7/14/2021 

I remember there was a fair amount of hype surrounding this game when it was first announced and there was certainly a fair amount of buzz in the press to be sure.  "It's basically Burnout combined with Mario Kart" was the overall consensus of what this game was going to be.  Unfortunately, that enthusiasm was shared with another game that was released just a week earlier, Split/Second.   Both of these games had modern cars from a variety of manufacturers, rocking soundtracks, powerups, car combat, and enough edginess to cut into the most hardened gamers.   Having a release dates in such close proximity to each other seemed to split the fan base between the two games and neither one was much of a breakout hit.  At the time, both games were reviewed rather well by the critics as well as the public, but they never seemed to gain that huge market share their publishers were clamoring for.  Both games did gain a cult following and command a decent price for a physical copy these days (which is uncommon for a racing game).   As with many games, the nostalgia associated with them seems to embed itself in a vocal contingent of the public and it's difficult to find a negative word about this game in any reviews or retrospectives written in the last few years.  Is the game really that good and deserving of its cult following?  Or is it just rose colored glasses that allow old fans of the game to overlook its glaring flaws?

When I popped the game into the PS3 I was a little bummed to see the game trying to connect to the servers to gather data for leaderboards and whatnot.  Obviously, the servers have been offline for who know how long. It's a depressing foreshadowing of the future of game collecting. With all of the connectivity required in games from the last 15 years, are we still going to be able to play them when the servers shut down?  Luckily, that wasn't the case with this game and I was able to back out of the loading screen and start the game just fine.   I was greeted with an intro that shows a lot of cool cars drifting, sliding, ramping, crashing, and all the other stuff you want to see cars to in a video game.  It looked pretty cool and the graphics of the cutscene still held up pretty well.   I started the career mode and saw that the game was split into several sections with an obvious "rival" that you're supposed to defeat at the end.  I picked a car and jumped into the first race.    As for the gameplay, this game is just a racing game.   You start in last place, and try to make it  into first by the time you cross the finish line. You drift, draft, overtake, rub, slam, and do whatever you can to move into 1st place and then your do everything you can to stay there. You pick up items like in Mario Kart.  There are healing items, shields, fireballs, homing missiles, and several more to aid you (or stop you) on your goal of coming in 1st place. I like the idea of this, but honestly, the racing is so chaotic, draw distance so bad, and motion blur so strong that it can be really difficult to connect your shots with anything. The cars all have various stats like grip, speed, etc. and selecting the correct vehicle for that specific race is imperative to your success.   I strongly emphasize the word, "imperative" in this case because this game is HARD.    The A.I. is ruthless and overly aggressive.  There are several types of cars to select from and they range from sports cars, trucks, eurocars, rally cars, etc.  But, in my opinion, it didn't seem to matter very much as there are so many cheap programming tricks implemented in this game to make it more difficult and often unfair.  Many times, I would be running side by side with a pick-up truck while I was in a top of the line sports car.  Without any powerups, on a straight away, in clear weather, the truck would just pull away with a 30% speed boost out of nowhere.  When I got out in front of the pack, I would constantly be bombarded with tons of heat-seeking fireballs (this game's version of the red turtle shell from Mario Kart).    As soon as the 3rd race, I was having to do several attempts.  

There are different types of events as well.  There's standard races with car combat like mentioned above.  Also, there's combat events where you have to shoot down computer controlled bots to gain points and add seconds onto a timer.  You have a target score to reach in order to pass the race.  There are also time trials where you have to collect little clocks and speed ups to finish the race with enough time on the clock.     All of these events are ranked and award you medals that you use to unlock new cars and other events.   While you're racing there are also supplementary events that occur that increase the number of medals you can earn.  Some of these just involve following a specific path by going through 15 checkpoints scattered over the raceway.  Another way you can earn a medal is by gaining a set number of, "fans" while racing.  This is done by destroying opponents, drifting around turns, performing jumps of ramps, and other cool actions.   Unfortunately, completing any of these tasks isn't very doable because of the annoying A.I. getting in your way.  Many times I was trying to get through a checkpoint just to get rammed out of the way at the last second. I feel like the A.I. of the game is designed to make your time more frustrating rather than try to win the race.  Also, the framerate, motion blur, and screen shaking make viewing this game quite difficult.  A lot of the time I felt like I couldn't really see what was going on or where I was supposed to go.  This only adds to the chaos of playing this game.  As far as I can tell, there's no way to upgrade your cars.  So, you're stuck using the same underperforming vehicles time and time again until you grind out the fans you need to unlock a new one.  

After several attempts, I made it to the final boss of the first area only to discover that I wasn't allowed to race against them.  Apparently, you're supposed to complete a bunch of arbitrary goals while doing the previous races.  These included things like gaining 5000 fans, destroying a certain number of racers, knocking someone off the edge of the map, etc.   Ugh.... so, progress is locked behind performance challenges.  Disappointed.    I ground out the challenges to unlock the boss and proceeded to get absolutely destroyed by her.  I tried several times with no success before googling some reviews of this game.  Quickly, I realized, that a lot of people were very frustrated with the single-player mode of this game when it came out.   There are plenty of forum posts complaining about how hard and unfair the game is with counterpoints telling them to, "get gud."   Arguing ensued.      

This led me to look at some of the critic reviews, and I was surprised to see that a lot of them agreed with the public... and me about the single-player.   Despite this, I continued to play for several more hours.  I completed all of the races, time trials, and combat events that I encountered, but was completely locked out of the boss battles because of the terrible conditions you have to fulfill.  It was around this time that I realized that I just wasn't having fun playing this game.  Yes, it had cool cars, combat, powerups, attitude, decent graphics, good play control, and bumping (yet forgettable) music... but it just didn't do anything for me.  

I had to ask myself, "why does this game have such a following?"  The answer is simple.  Multi-player.  Like many games of the time, people just played online with their friends and had a good time being in the chaos and excitement.   The reviews from the time more or less confirmed this.  As is often the case with games that are remembered more for the online experience, I wonder if many of the internet warriors supporting this game today actually played the single-player experience when it first came out. Without the nostalgia of playing with your friends influencing your opinion of the game, I just can't see someone having a good time with this game in 2021.  There is no multi-player for this game anymore, so it has to stand on its single-player mode only.  Obviously, it can't do that. 

There are a lot of missteps and poor design choices with this game that lead it to be both boring and frustrating simultaneously.  Despite its cult status and surprisingly high monetary cost (around $30 at the time of this review), it's nothing special and isn't a very good racing game in my opinion.  The combat seems to get in the way of a decent racing game rather than improve it and the progress being gated by frustrating challenges took out a lot of the sense of momentum.  Unless you can travel into the past and play online, I would avoid this one.  Your time is better spent elsewhere.

Final Status: Played

Score: 5/10 (Mediocre)