Showing posts with label Shovelware. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shovelware. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

The Monkey King: The Legend Beings (Wii) Review

 

The Monkey King: The Legend Begins (Wii) Review

Date Released: 30 May 2008

Date Played: 7 February 2022


Introduction:

The Monkey King: The Legend Begins is a horizontally scrolling shmup that retells the Journey to the West story that has been used countless times since its inception over 500 years ago.  It's a sort of sequel to Taito's Cloud Master and was developed by StarFish and published by UFO.  While it is certainly buried in the hallowed halls of mediocrity among the massive troves of other Wii shovelware games, it isn't such a blatant crash grab as many of them and you can detect just the slightest hint of care by the developers. The same can't be said for the game they created shortly after this. StarFish created a cash-in game called Saint that tells the exact same story, uses the same engine, many of the same graphics, and is basically just a reskin of this game.  It's also one of the worst games I've ever played and I am hard pressed to even remember any other game that was as terrible as it was.  Luckily, The Monkey King, while very simple and budget oriented, isn't nearly as bad as that one and feels more like "baby's first shmup" rather than an attempt to defraud the consumer of their hard earned cash. Don't get me wrong, it's bad.  It's just more of a failure on part of its creator's shortcomings rather than them trying to cheat you.  It's like scoring a 30% on a test when you hadn't studied but actually tried a little on test day versus not studying, not trying, but telling everyone that you were going to ace the exam.



Gameplay:

You play as either Wukong, the titular adolescent monkey king or his female friend, Mai Mai.  Both are training to become martial arts masters and have to shoot their way through 6 levels to gain the approval of their teacher. They play almost identically (other than their access to specific spells) and are really nothing more than a cosmetic choice. As mentioned earlier, the game is a horizontal shmup just like we're all quite familiar with.  You have access to a standard shot that is little more than a pea shooter but can be leveled up 6 times by collecting powerups.  This will turn your pea shooter into a much wider and more powerful spread of bullets the will ravage the enemies coming your way.  In addition to this, you can collect the standard speed upgrades as well as occasionally enter a door to grab a magic spell.  You are able to bank two of these spells simultaneously and switch between them at will by using the A button.  They range from simple bombs that you drop, fire shields to protect you, dragon fireballs, and even almost full screen laser beams. There are slight variances between which spell each of the two characters can collect, but they are mostly identical and only a couple of spells are unique to whomever you chose.  These spells are very powerful and oddly have unlimited uses.  You can just spam the magic button constantly and feel almost impossible to kill. There is also a pretty generous life bar that allows you to take several hits before dying. The enemy placement in the game isn't well thought out and seems almost random at best and your character's sprite is very large and there will be blankets of bullets fired at you with no way to avoid them.  This forces you to have to take the damage since there's nothing you can do about it. This makes the health bar a requirement for a game this poorly thought out and is a hallmark of a poorly designed game.  As I've sarcastically stated many times, why make tight and well designed game that will allow you to learn to rout the stages while avoiding even a single hit when you can just throw a bunch of random junk at the player to increase the difficulty and let the health bar take up the slack? If you see a health bar in a shmup, be forewarned; the developers probably didn't know how to design good bullet patterns or enemy placement.  Then, when they played the game, found it to be almost impossible, so they just slapped a life bar on there and pushed the game out of the door. This is almost certainly what happened with this game as well, and if that weren't enough, you can replenish your health by collecting the commonly occurring health potions from fallen enemies or by finishing a stage. You're given so much health, lives, and healing items that you don't even have to bother to dodge most of the time. If you do die, you respawn right where you were without having to worry about going back to a checkpoint. Making things even easier, there are plenty of extra lives that drop from enemies as well.  Too many, in fact.  I actually had 16 extra lives by the end of my first playthrough and never died once. 

However, on the hardest difficulty, I did die a couple of times and discovered the game suffers from some pretty serious Gradius syndrome where if you die, you lose your powerups and the game can be extremely difficult to make any progress with.  The Monkey King is no different, but since powerups are so abundant, you really only need to survive long enough to grab a magic spell and you'll be all set to return to your normal boring method of just holding down the fire button and spamming magic. The few seconds I had to spend surviving with none of my powerups was quite difficult and practically impossible to sustain for more than a short period.  This leaves the game in a situation where if you're not fully powered up, you have no chance... and if you are fully powered up, the game has no chance.  By the middle of stage 2, you'll be fully powered up and can mostly just sit in the middle of the back portion of the screen while holding the fire button and spamming your magic attacks. Even on the hardest difficulty, you'll pretty much just shred through the levels by doing this and it won't take long for boredom to set in.  To make matters worse, the boss fights are the easiest I've ever seen in a game.  Almost all of them will be eliminated in just a matter of seconds and they won't even have the opportunity to fire off a single shot.  This is a big disappointment since the boring levels could have used something to break up the monotony. The bosses look cool and I found myself not attacking them in an attempt to see them do something. They have very limited attack patterns that usually consist of either a telegraphed laser beam or a rain of bullets from the sky.  If you decide to not bother firing on them, they won't do much and seem to be copied and pasted from one to the next.  It really makes all of these fights feel like an afterthought rather than a feature of the game.

The gimmick of this shmup, as with almost all games on the Wii, is the addition of motion controls (sigh....). In this game, you can tilt the controller to the right to speed up the scrolling of the stage (and I guess add a little more difficulty) or tilt it to the left to slow down the scrolling and make the already insanely easy game even more so.  It doesn't really serve any true purpose in the game and feels completely shoehorned into the whole experience.  I did find myself using it to try to get through the boring stages a little more quickly, but outside of using it like a fast forward button, it doesn't do much to add to the enjoyment you're trying to find.  

You'll play through 6 stages as you progress through the game.  You'll start at Mt. Gogyu before traveling over a river, the Great Wall, another mountain, the sky, and finally Hell.  These all have the same basic enemies of pigs, foxes, clouds, chickens, etc. that are reused over and over during each of the stages with only a handful of unique enemies seen elsewhere in the game.  Most enemies die in a single hit and serve as nothing more than cannon fodder.  After you play through the boss rush of the final stage and dispatch the last boss, you're rewarded by having to play all the way through the game again.... in reverse.   Apparently, it isn't enough to have to journey all the way to hell to slay the great evil, you also need to make your way back by killing each boss for a third time in a single playthrough (on the way there, boss rush, and on the way back).  You get to play by facing left this time around, but other than that, the game is exactly the same and poses no more of a challenge than before.  This does nothing but waste your time and make the game feel even more padded.  

Once you finish the game on normal difficulty (I'm not sure if you need to do it on 1 credit because I never died) you'll unlock Race mode.  This is where you just fly through all 6 levels of the game without shooting.  There are tons of speed upgrades and health potions around as you dodge through tons of enemies in an attempt to reach the finish line before the stage's mid-boss.  You will need to make use of the tilt motion controls to fly through the levels as fast as possible as you attempt to dodge enemies while grabbing those essential healing items.  While I do like this idea, it's very poorly implemented and requires almost no skill.  When you die, you have a recovery period where you're invulnerable.  During this time, you can just slam on gas at full speed and fly straight through all of the enemies and pass the boss with little to no effort.  I beat the whole game in race mode on the hardest difficulty in 3 minutes and 8 seconds only dying 2 times on my very first try.



Presentation:

The Monkey King definitely falls into the cute 'em up category as all of the character models and enemies are adorable and colorful.  They are all interesting to look at and I feel like the artists on the game did a pretty good job.  The backgrounds of the various stages as very muted in their color pallet, but it's very clear that they were aiming for the subtle stylings of east Asian artwork from that period.  It's simple and well done, and while it won't dazzle you, it does help the cute sprites on the screen pop out a little more.  

The music is fine and goes for a traditional Eastern style that is really the only fitting genre for a game like this.  It does have some anachronistic pumping percussion parts that attempt to add a little intensity to the game, but it's well done and I feel that it adds a nice component to the soundtrack.  As for the sound effects, they are extremely terrible.  The sound of your powered up shot is shrill, ear piercing, and constant.  It's so distracting that I had to turn off all of the sound effects in the options menu to try to escape it. Once gone, the whole experience became much less painful. There aren't too many other memorable sound effects in the game and they are mostly benign, so I'll take that as a positive.

The game does have that trademark blurriness and washed out color pallet that was so characteristic of the Wii.  To me, it hasn't really reached the nostalgically charming level yet and just appears to be a little outdated.  However, it isn't a terrible looking game for what it is.  There are some nice animations that give the characters life like Mai Mai's flowing dress, but it does have bit of that early 2000s Flash based browser game look to it.  Perhaps in 10 years, we'll all look back on this style fondly, but I don't think we're quite there yet.



Conclusion:

The Monkey King is a budget title that certainly does feel cheap.  They recycle assets, pad out the stages, and even make you retrace your steps all the way back through the game. There's even a typo on the back of the game's case where, "Fight Larger Then Life Bosses" is proudly displayed. I would be more forgiving if there was at least some engaging gameplay. But it is completely lacking in difficulty that you could probably beat the entire game just by spamming the shot and magic button with your eyes closed.  I played through the game 4 times in a row; first on easy and normal where I never died a single time.  Then, on hard, where I only died 2 times and it was little more than a slight nuisance to recover.  Finally, I plowed through the race mode in about 3 minutes.  This doesn't leave a lot of content or enjoyment to be found for your average gamer and makes the game nothing more than a mindless time killer.

It does have some cute characters but they aren't enough to make up for the severely lacking gameplay.  That being said, this game doesn't feel like a malicious cash grab to me and has more of a game for young children sort of vibe to it.  It's kind of like if an adult played a Sesame Street game about spelling simple words or something.  You can recognize the basics of of a genre that you like, but there really isn't much gameplay there for an adult.  I wouldn't hesitate to let a 3 year old play this game, and they might actually have a good time with it.  However, if you're older than 3, there really isn't much here for you.

Final Status: Completed (did everything the game had to offer in a couple of hours)

Final Score: 3/10 (barely any gameplay... far too easy)

Monday, September 20, 2021

Hidden Mysteries: Titanic (Wii) Review

 


Hidden Mysteries: Titanic (Wii) Review

Date Released: November 3, 2009

Date Played: September 20, 2021


You know those budget PC games that are tucked away in the back of the electronics section at Walmart?  This is one of those.  Actually, it's worse.  It's a PORT of one of those. You think to yourself, "who the hell buys these games?!?  There's like 50 mahjong and sudoku games and they've all been sitting here for a decade.  What even is a Hidden Mystery game?"   Well, let me illuminate you.  Firstly, this the the bottom of the barrel of the Wii shovel-ware game genre.   Like usual, I picked this one up at a yard sale for less than 25 cents.  It looked so terrible that I was just going to flip it on Ebay, but it was going for so little money that it wasn't even worth my time and I would probably LOSE money by attempting to sell it.  So, I added it to the collection.  Needless to say, I wasn't exactly enthusiastic when this one was randomly selected for me to play.  I figured I would give it a few minutes of my time and then move on to something else...  

You play as Margaret Ashley, a newly wed girl who has married above her station and become a wealthy socialite.  She and her pretentious husband have decided to set sail on the maiden voyage of the Titanic.  You're quickly thrown into the turmoil of trying to board the luxury liner all while being introduced to a colorful cast of characters.  These include friendly porters, an irritating Cockney child, your husband's valet, and even your own estranged mother who is attempting to talk some reason into you and bring you from your newly acquired "high-horse" back down into the folds of the lower class.  Once you're on the ship you're tasked with solving various puzzles, helping people sort out their problems, dealing with your irritatingly spoiled and inept husband, navigating secret passage ways, mixing cocktails, robbing Egyptian sarcophagi, and other various tasks that range from the banal to the extraordinary.  Finally, (spoiler alert!!!) you have to help everyone escape from the sinking Titanic before getting on the life boat yourself.  What a twist...  We all know how the story goes, so much like the movie, you're just sort of along for the ride and to witness what goes on in such a profound situation as this.

All of this is presented with static screens with dialog boxes. We all know how much I hate this sort of game presentation. I hate it so much, in fact, that it's slowly becoming one of my gaming sins.  Show me what is happening, don't tell me!  I guess I should be more understanding.  This game was, after all, made on a budget that could barely feed a family of four at Red Lobster.  Fortunately, most of the text is fully voice acted.  Margaret is performed pretty well as are most of the characters.  There are a few standout bad actors with their terrible accents (looking at you Cockney kid) that can get rather grating on your ear before too long.  Luckily, most of this is kept to a minimum.  The artwork, while not very impressive does look good enough for an ultra extreme budget title.  These storytelling devices are split into 20 chapters that are each bookended by a cheap looking CGI cut-scene of the Titanic sailing around on and/or sinking in the Atlantic Ocean.  This is all accompanied by a pretty decent score that fits the game well.  Do let me note that the music for the title screen of this game is, for a better lack of description, shocking.  It's fully orchestrated and sounds like something that would be playing during a gruesome murder scene in a horror movie.  To say that it's way to emotionally heavy and over the top is an understatement.  Without a doubt, it is the most sinister and foreboding piece of music I have ever heard for a title screen in a video game.  Hell, it may take the trophy for most menacing video game music of all time.   You should really check it out if you haven't heard it.  But even with the over-the-top intro music, the game is presented well enough for what it is.

As for the gameplay... well... it's ripped right out of a budget PC game just like you'd imagine.  You use the Wiimote to move a cursor around the static screens you encounter.  Hovering over an object or location will cause little gold stars to appear which signifies that you can interact with it.  You gather clues, items, and information that you use to solve puzzles as you explore room to room in adventure game style. After figuring out all of the puzzles in the area, you get to move on.  Luckily, all of the chapters are self contained so you don't have to worry about missing something or having to carry a key item with you to the next chapter in order to progress. This prevents the soft-lock that happens so often in adventure games where you don't flat out lose, you just can't continue anymore and spend tons of time wondering around while impossibly trying to progress. Just like most adventure games, the puzzles can be every esoteric and nonsensical.  Many times, I relied on trying every object on every other object until something worked (a classic mainstay and familiar technique for my adventure gaming career).  The game graciously gives you a hint icon that you can use at any time if you get stuck.  This happened quite often for me and I didn't really feel to bad about using the hint helper because the puzzles were so often eye-rollingly obtuse.  Occasionally, you'll be tasked with doing some sort of Wii motion control filler stuff like turning a crank, unwinding a spool, or flipping a switch.  This, like usual, involves the player repeatedly fumbling around with the Wiimote until it works.  Once again, these luckily don't happen very often.   In addition to these sections, you'll also be thrown into these "find 10 hidden objects in the picture" minigames.  I guess this is the hallmark of the Hidden Mysteries franchise.  Since I assume this game is a member of that illustrious and hallowed fellowship of gaming it's no wonder that a bunch of these are interjected into every single chapter of the game.  Quite often the hidden objects are so blatantly obvious that they might as well be printed on the back of a kid's menu at Denny's.  Other times, the items are so well hidden, that you're forced to just click nonstop as you slowly comb every inch of the screen with the cursor.  I don't really feel that these parts of the game really belong... but what are you going to do?  It IS a hidden mystery game after all.

So, after spending 6 weeks playing this game (I had to move to a new house when I was about 2 hours from the end) what's my final verdict?  Honestly, the game isn't that bad and a I had an enjoyable time with it.  The characters are engaging, the puzzles can be fun, the story has some interesting ideas and new takes on the cliché Titanic narrative.  It's nothing remarkable, but it's certainly a decently fun time and absolutely worth the 25 cents I paid for it. You can finish it in a couple of sittings if you have the patience for adventure games.   I was pleasantly surprised with this one and played it all the way to the end credits.  Then, I finished the secret chapter you unlock for beating the game.

Final Score: 6/10 (Better than it should be).

Final Status: Beaten (also finished secret unlockable chapter).